


The Poodle Potion

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Explicit Language, Gender Change, Humor, Other, Out of Character, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-02-16
Updated: 2008-02-15
Packaged: 2018-10-01 01:25:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10177445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: After Lucius Malfoy's attack of Minerva McGonagall, Severus has to brew a potion for her. However, its concoction creates problems for the Potions Master that he never thought he'd face.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

DISCLAIMER: All characters and settings are the property of JK Rowling and the various publishing and media companies that have purchased rights for the name Harry Potter and all that entails. No infringement on these rights is intended.

WARNINGS: AU, Humor/Parody, Gender Change, Adult Language

A/N: The story is complete. It's the product of a challenge of one of my friends. Just a silly thing twisting the usual potion accident.  
Please read and review.  
Thanks to Tanya for the inspiration and support.

Let's get going

**Chapter One**

 

“Well, my boy, I’m sure you’re not aware of why I have wanted to see you at such an ungodly hour” Professor Dumbledore said when Severus entered his office, dressed in his usual black attire although it was just 5 in the morning and he had been fast asleep until 10 minutes prior to this moment.

_Well, I might be a great wizard, but last time I checked I wasn’t psychic_ , Snape thought and stiffly sat down on the chair in front of Dumbledore’s desk. 

It was still dark outside and the room was lit by several candles that gave it a very cosy atmosphere.

Severus took a few deep breaths to clear his head. Why did Dumbledore just had to chose this moment for his absolutely untimely request? He had finally been able to fall asleep without having to take a sleeping draught or being crucio’d half to death by Voldemort. A natural, almost peaceful slumber and the barmy old codger had to wake him up before dawn.

He almost felt sorry for the students who would have to suffer from his terrible mood he would surely be in today.

However, he knew that the best way to get it over with quickly was to just say “yes” and “of course” to no matter what Dumbledore might have in store. Even when you didn’t want to do something, he always found a way to make you do it in the end. He wanted to get some more sleep after all.

“Unfortunately, I don’t know why you requested my presence here so early in the morning, Professor” he said as civil as he was able to through gritted teeth.

“Well, I think we both will appreciate it if I make it short” 

“Yes, I’d be most grateful, sir”

Snape almost burst out in laughter. Not once since he had known the headmaster, had he been able to keep something short. He would never accuse the old wizard of loving to hear himself talk, but Albus had the terrible habit to explain things to death, like he wasn’t talking to a grown man but to a 4 year old.

Dumbledore opened the little silver box on his desk and popped a lemon drop in his mouth, sucking on it with great pleasure.

Snape was getting more annoyed with the second while he watched the headmaster enjoying the sweet.

_This is ridiculous_ , he thought and with a thud placed his hands on the table in front of him, rising halfway out of his chair as he did so. 

His obsidian eyes glared at the old man who continued to twinkle despite his outburst.

“Would you spit it out now, old man, so that I might get some sleep before I have to risk my health again with these dunderheads who believe have magical abilities?”

“Calm down, Severus. I apologize for interrupting your sleep but what I have to ask from you is of greatest importance. You will have to get to it immediately and we cannot waste any time.” 

Dumbledore’s voice had adopted a very grave tone and Snape knew that this was not the regular ‘student-played-with-crazy-mixtures-from-Diagon-Alley-and-you-have-to-fix-it-incident’.

“What happened?” he said quickly and the crease over his prominent nose deepened when Dumbledore patted his thigh and a delicate silvery poodle jumped into his lap and put his front paws on the desk.

If dogs would have any mimic, Severus was sure, the animal would be frowning.

“What is that?” Snape inquired, not really understanding what a lap dog was doing at Hogwarts. Students weren’t allowed to have them and it didn’t look like a creature Hagrid would prefer.

“Not what, my boy… who” Dumbledore said and the dog yelped heart rending.

“Tonight, Professor McGonagall was following Lucius Malfoy in Knockturn Alley and well… shortly after midnight, the little poodle here came via floo powder with a note attached.”

With that the old wizard handed him the note and Snape swallowed hard.

“That’s Minerva?” the potion master said, his voice sounding more taken aback than ever before.

“She has to be. Look at the markings around her eyes” Dumbledore replied and pointed at the poodle’s face.

Severus also had recognized the rectangular, black markings that resembled the ones McGonagall had while she was in her animagus form.

“I suppose she was out as a cat again” Snape said, not knowing if he would be able to suppress a laugh very much longer.

Seeing the formidable head of Gryffindor so helpless for some reason made him feel perfectly content with the world.

“Yes and Filius has found out what curse has been used, but charms and transfiguration won’t have any effect and so – “

“And this is where my part will begin. Our dear Deputy Headmistress messes up and your local Death Eater can fix it” Severus growled and the dog started to bark at him in a very aggressive manner.

“I know, Severus, and I’m awfully sorry, but we desperately need our transfiguration teacher so I must ask you to start immediately.”

“What do you expect me to do, Albus? I am a potions expert and no – “

“Don’t argue with me Severus. There is a potion to restore cursed animagi and you very well know which one.” Dumbledore said firmly and fondled the poodle behind the ears.

“No… not this one. I am not going to rip out another centaur’s tail hair again. I won’t make it back here alive. Last time was really a close call. If you want this potion brewed, send someone to get it for me” Snape snapped. 

“I understand that you don’t have to add this particular ingredient until the potion is almost finished, so I suggest, you get straight to work and I send Hagrid to get the hair for you.”

“That’s acceptable” Snape said curtly and without saying another word, he left the office and headed to work.

If he’d be fast enough he might be able to squeeze in a short nap while the potion simmered.

Couldn’t the old fool have waited another three hours? It was not like that Minerva ‘the Poodle’ McGonagall would run away, wasn’t it?

A loud bang against the door started Severus and he jumped off his chair, wand drawn, when the door burst open. 

He had just fallen asleep 15 minutes ago in his favourite armchair.

In utmost frustration, he hurled a long strong of profanities at the intruder who had dared to disturb him.

“Me apologies, Professor, but Dumbledore said it’s urgent that yer get that” he half-giant gasped, sweat drops beading on his forehead.

It seemed to Snape that Hagrid must have run all the way from the Forbidden Forest, because he could feel the cold sweat on the gamekeeper’s shaking hand when he took the little bag from him.

“Thank you, Hagrid” he said curtly and put the last ingredient on the workbench in his private lab while the half-giant bid him good bye and returned to his work.

Half an hour later, he opened the little bag and took out the centaur hair, which shimmered silvery in the torch light.

Snape frowned and waved his wand over the hair to indicate its origin; however, the specific blue glow around it proved undoubtedly that it was indeed from a centaur.

He shrugged his shoulders, put the ingredient in the cauldron and stirred the dark-blue liquid counter-clockwise.  
Now the potion had to boil for 13 seconds.

Yet when he dimmed the flame to let the potion simmer for another 3 and a half minutes exact, he heard a strange bubbling sound inside the cauldron.  
Instantly his senses were on high alert and he grabbed the cauldron to get it away from the fire, but it was already too late.

The world turned upside down when the cauldron exploded and everything went black around him. 

When he recovered consciousness he had no idea how much time had passed.

He took a deep breath and thanked every deity he knew of that he was still able to do so. 

Then he started to move slightly and groaned when his head started to spin.

He knew that his regular healing potions wouldn’t be strong enough for this new dimension of headaches.

Careful not to move his head too much, he scrambled on his feet and moved to the next armchair to sit down.

He felt strange and uncomfortable with the remains of the potion covering him from head to toe.

Snape had kept his eyes shut to save him from another pain explosion, but now he had no other choice than to open them.   
He eventually had to examine his body for injuries and reactions to the concoction.

 

**Go on to the next chapter....**


	2. Chapter Two

DISCLAIMER: All characters and settings are the property of JK Rowling and the various publishing and media companies that have purchased rights for the name Harry Potter and all that entails. No infringement on these rights is intended.

WARNINGS: AU, Humor/Parody, Gender Change, Adult Language

A/N: The story is complete. It's the product of a challenge of one of my friends. Just a silly thing twisting the usual potion accident.  
Please read and review.  
Thanks to Tanya for the inspiration and support.

On with the show

 

**Chapter Two**

When he brought his hand up to his chest to get rid off the besmirched garments, he stopped short.

He couldn’t believe what he saw. These weren’t his hands.

Ignoring the stabbing pain in his head, he pushed himself up in his chair and stumbled into his bedroom.   
When he saw his reflection in the body-sized mirror inside of his closet, he wanted nothing but cry.   
This was worse than anything Voldemort or Potter combined had ever done to him.  
He had to talk to Dumbledore immediately, because there was no way in the world he would teach like that.

Quickly he pulled off the drenched frock coat, gave himself a cleaning spell and put on his dress robes and his deatheater cloak. These were the only garments long and wide enough to disguise his current appearance.  
His feet were sliding back and forth in his shoes, which were now too big for him while he made his way to Dumbledore’s office.

“Damn you Hagrid, as teacher for Care of Magical Creatures you should be able to identify a purebred centaur” he hissed and let the most vicious curse words in his vocabulary follow, in all the languages he knew.

*****

Professor Dumbledore was sitting in his office, waiting for his Potions Master to return. He was expecting him every moment now.  
Minerva was sitting beside him, lapping scrambled eggs from a plate on the floor.  
He had finally been able to convince her to eat something when he heard a knock at the door.

“Come in, Severus” he called and patted the poodle’s head.

The door opened but instead of the potion master a Death Eater entered the room.  
Albus pointed his wand at the intruder and Professor McGonagall barked as loud as she could, while the person in front of them lowered the hood and revealed the head of a beautiful, blonde woman, who seemed to be terribly angry.  
The headmaster lowered his wand and Minerva stopped her barking to stare at the woman in utter confusion.

“Who are you, my dear and how can I help you?”

“I am your Potions Master and it would do if you could serve me Hagrid’s head on a platter” the blonde snapped and Dumbledore bit his lip to prevent a giggle.

“Severus? What in the name of Merlin happened to you?”

“Hagrid happened to me” Severus said and flung his delicate frame into the nearest armchair.

“How many centaurs are currently in the Forbidden Forest? I honestly don’t know the exact amount, but I’m sure there are plenty. And from all the variety he has to choose from, he had to pick the one, whose mother was a veela. In my opinion you should seriously consider of getting a new teacher for Care of Magical Creatures. When this big oaf is not capable of telling the difference between a purebred centaur and a half-breed, than he is not qualified for the job” 

Dumbledore knew that he should chastise his Potions Master for saying something so affronting, but he didn’t dare to say something.  
The scowl that looked so natural on Severus face was totally out of place on the features of the dashing blonde bombshell in front of him.

“Well, Severus; you can’t teach like that –“ 

“Remarkable observation, Professor” Severus said, his voice dripping with sarcasm when he flung back his long blonde tresses in frustration.

He would have to get used to that and he hadn’t even dared to look at his other womanly assets.

“How long do you think it will take you to get this sorted out?” Dumbledore inquired and the urge to burst into a fit of laughter was getting stronger with every passing minute.

“I have all the right ingredients in my storage room, but the potion will have to sit over night. So I will be stuck like this until tomorrow morning. And I just hope that the Dark Lord is not going to be in need of my presence tonight”

Dumbledore looked gravely at his former student and sighed.

“Severus, I have to insist that you stay in the dungeons until you are restored to your normal appearance. You are part veela now until tomorrow morning and you know what effect you will have on the male population at this school”

“I know, Albus and trust me, I’m not eager to be the object of desire for all the hormone-driven dunderheads”

He was unnerved about the way his voice sounded. Sneering was impossible with this female voice that sounded so seductive and sweet.

Sweet! He had never sounded sweet … not even as a child.

It was time for heading back to the dungeons if he wanted to avoid running into all the students heading to the Great Hall for breakfast.

“I still need a centaur hair for Minerva’s potion, but please ensure that this time it’s from a purebred” he growled and rushed out of the door.

He rushed out of the office and pondered how he could spend the time he was stuck in this body useful.  
Looking around carefully, making sure Filch or his damn cat was not in sight, he made it finally to his quarters.

“How forward-thinking of me” he spat with so much sarcasm as he could express in this sultry voice. He sounded like one of the prostitutes from Knockturn Alley.  
“What would I have done if my wards had been voice-coded?”

He hurried inside as fast as he could with his shoes several sizes too large and banged the door shut.   
He knew it would be hard to do something in this strange body but with these sloppy clothes it would be impossible.  
As soon as he reached his bedchamber, he kicked the shoes off his feet and pushed the robes off.

For the first time he actually looked at his new body. If he wouldn’t be a man through and through, this would have truly been an improvement.  
Long silvery-blond hair that indicated the Veela ancestors of the centaur the hair had been from, long, well-shaped legs, feminine hips, a flat stomach and voluptuous breasts – truly every man’s dream.

“Well not when you HAVE the body instead of receiving its pleasures” Snape growled angry when he concentrated at the task at hand.

He needed to find something comfortable to wear that would fit his borrowed body.  
He had never had a huge talent for transfiguration, but he was sure it would be enough to get some simple robes.  
With an expression of pure disgust, he picked one of his teacher’s robes and pointed his wand at it.

“Foolish wand waving” he spat and spoke the incantation.

The frock coat in his hands changed into a flowing dark blue dress.   
He frowned at the color change but started to put it on nevertheless.  
When he held it out in front of him to see where the front side of the dress was, his eyes fell on his black boxers he was still wearing.

“I can’t keep these” he mumbled and sighed in frustration.

With a very important personal part currently missing, the undergarment felt weird on his suddenly more sensitive skin.  
Closing his eyes he tried to visualize how good woman’s underwear looked.  
It’s been a while since he had seen it. The woman he had sometimes consulted in Knockturn Alley most of the time didn’t wear any at all but that was no option for him.  
He remembered the stuff his mother had worn when he was a little boy and shuddered furiously.

Finally he had the right thing in mind and tapped his boxers with his wand.

When he opened them again he was more than satisfied with the result. White, comfortable with a bit of lace. Very classy!  
Quickly, he pulled the dress over his head and had a look in the mirror. This was a whole lot better. He had to be prepared in case a Slytherin came with a problem or Lucius paid him a visit.  
Finally he transfigured his boots into some black low-heeled pumps and went back into his private lab. He had to start brewing his own potion as well as make a new batch for Minerva.

It was a very strange feeling when he handled the pestle while he crushed the scarab beetles and cut the rat tail for his own potion.  
The long nails were a bit annoying but he couldn’t be bothered to shorten them at the moment.  
His long hair kept falling in his face so he twisted them together in the nape of his neck and fastened it with his wand.

After an hour, he finally had both potions ready. His own now had to simmer until the next morning and Minerva’s only required the final ingredient.  
He couldn’t rely on Hagrid, that was for sure and nobody else could get close enough that he would trust enough to send.

There was only one way - he had to go himself. Probably, the centaurs wouldn’t recognize him with his changed appearance and when he would really try hard, he possibly could sweet-talk one of those creatures into giving him a tail hair.

Quickly, he put his cloak on and pulled the hood deep in his face. The last thing he’d need right now was a hormonal student getting all crazy over him.


	3. Chapter Three

DISCLAIMER: All characters and settings are the property of JK Rowling and the various publishing and media companies that have purchased rights for the name Harry Potter and all that entails. No infringement on these rights is intended.

WARNINGS: AU, Humor/Parody, Gender Change, Adult Language

A/N: The story is complete. It's the product of a challenge of one of my friends. Just a silly thing twisting the usual potion accident.  
Please read and review.  
Thanks to Tanya for the inspiration and support.

 

**Chapter Three**

 

He rushed down the hallway, desperate to get away from prying eyes and hoping that the students where still at breakfast when he crossed the entrance hall.

The quick strides that looked so energetic in his potion master persona looked utterly ungraceful in his veela form. 

When he opened the large oak front doors, a strong breeze blew his hood off and he heard an appreciative whistle from behind.

“Oh what a fair maiden has graced our castle with her presence. How can I be of service?” he heard a voice he knew all too well.

“Oh my goodness … Filch” he groaned and fidgeted with the hood while he hurried out of the door. “He sounds like Sir Cadogan… how pathetic”

“Wait Milady, I want to escort you wherever you want to go. I’m your knight in shining armour. Don’t you know I’m the minister for magic?” the caretaker purred and Severus felt his hand on his cloak when he stepped into the fresh morning air.

“Get off me if you don’t want me to hex you to kingdom come” he thundered and was once again frustrated that the sensual female voice couldn’t produce the desired effect.

_I sound like an old fishwife_ , he groaned and ran down the lawn in top speed.

Just when he passed the greenhouses, the wind picked up and his heavy deatheater cloak got entangled in the twigs of one of the bushes around the building.

Due to the sudden pull on the strong fabric of his cloak, Snape lost balance and fell flat on his back.

He moaned in pain when his spine collided with a sharp rock.  
This body truly wasn’t made for any type of adventures. It might be beautiful to look at but for everything else it was bloody useless.

Then he heard the sound of footsteps on the lawn that was still damp with dew and he wondered what else he would have to endure until he’d finally reach the forest.

Just when he was back on his feet, he felt something between his shoulder blades.

“How dare you wearing a cloak like that you… those are solely reserved for Death Eaters” he heard the cold voice of Draco Malfoy behind him.

The boy must have been on his way to Herbology and obviously thought Severus was a fellow student.

Snape knew that he had to do something. Malfoy wouldn’t hesitate to hex him to oblivion if he assumed that he was a threat to what he and his father stood for.

Well, he wasn’t a Slytherin for nothing. So he dropped the hood and slowly turned around.

“Oh this cloak is an heirloom from my late father. He was a great supporter of the Dark Lord. I’m wearing this for his remembrance and for the noble cause he gave his life for” Snape purred and let all the veela charm flow into his statement.

Obviously his little game worked.

Draco Malfoy’s face was clouded in ecstasy as he fidgeted with his wand.

“Oh I didn’t want to accuse you of doing anything inappropriate. I’m sure you could never do anything evil. You are an angel, impersonation of Aphrodite herself. Your remarkable beauty is taking my breath away.”

Snape didn’t know what to do … run, slap him or just laugh until he couldn’t breathe anymore.

It was ridiculous to watch how the boy would jump through hoops for him and that gave him an idea. He couldn’t send the boy to get the centaur hair for him, because he wouldn’t allow another dunderhead to mess up his potion, but Malfoy would make sure he wasn’t bothered by Filch anymore.

“Oh I’m flattered that such a handsome and powerful young wizard harbours such deep feelings for me. I would be eternally grateful, if you could protect my honor. A vile creature has approached me when I left the castle; ugly and most importunate. Filch, if I remember his name correctly. If you could keep him away from me, I’d be in your debt” 

The battering of his long eyelashes and the sweetest smile he was capable of did the trick.

Malfoy bowed deeply and promised to keep an eye on the caretaker.  
Fortunately, the boy’s mind was so clouded with desire for the veela that he had totally forgotten to ask the enticing beauty what she was up to.

With a final wave, Snape turned around and rushed towards the forest, hoping that this had been the last interruption. He WAS a good actor but he still didn’t have patience, no matter which body he was wearing.

Just when the first trees of the Forbidden Forest hid him from view he leaned back against a mossy trunk.  
Although he never allowed himself a moment of weakness, he had to stop and get his thoughts in order.  
He had to admit that the look of pure desire and arousal in Malfoy’s eyes and the knowledge that this was directed towards and caused by him, made his skin crawl.  
Even an invitation for Tea & Crucio from Voldemort himself was more bearable than this display of adolescent wantonness.

He ran his hands through his long and shiny hair and winced when one of his long fingernails bent the wrong way due to the force of his ministrations.  
With a deep sigh then he continued his journey towards the centaur camp.  
He had to make sure that he didn’t blow his cover. This was a totally different thing from being a spy.  
Pretending to be a woman, a strong and proud veela at that, would be rather hard.  
The fact that he didn’t have a problem with Draco and Filch didn’t mean a thing.

“A spoilt brat and a squib is surely no match for the intelligence of a centaur. So I have to keep my guard up at all times”

Knowing that he would be able to play the mysterious seductress easier than a sweet, fair maiden, he started to lay out his plan.  
He knew just what he had to do when he heard voices in the distance.  
Covered by a large tree, his hood drawn halfway over his face to hide the telltale veela hair, he observed the group of centaurs on a clearing.  
Like a predator watching his prey, he almost silently walked around the small meadow until he spotted a single centaur standing alone in the middle of a path that led deeper into the forest.

Cursing inwardly the ridiculous shoes women wore and wishing (almost) nothing more than being in possession of his dragonhide boots, he carefully stepped in a half circle around the creature until he was hidden in between the trees just within earshot of the centaur.  
He saw that it was a young male and that was most fortunate for him.   
It would be a lot easier for him to work the veela magic on him without having to endure an endless sermon of Divination nonsense.  
He leaned seductively against the trunk of an old oak and started to sing.  
The lyrics were long forgotten but the melody was handed down over generations and it was told that the first ones to sing it were the Sirens known from Greek Mythology.

_Who would ever guess that the evil Potions Bastard of Hogwarts is related to a Siren_ , he thought while his enchanting voice flowed between the trees like water, drawn and pulled by the tides.

His highly sensitive nose smelt the mix of horse scent and hormones before he heard the hooves on the ground.  
The potion master was sure that this one was not related to a veela; otherwise he would have been immune to his siren call.  
A look down his robes ensured that his cloak was parted and a good part of cleavage was showing.  
Snape didn’t want to take any chances. As soon as he had the hair he would cast a quick confusion charm and be gone.

He heard the centaur sniffling as he stepped in front of him.

“Fair, young maiden… what brings you here so deep into the forest?” he inquired while he gave the potion master a once over.

Snape cast his eyes down, not as a sign of fake modesty but more to prevent from showing the creature one of his evilest death glares.  
It took him only a moment to regain his composure and then he looked up again through hooded eyes.

“I’ve always wanted to see one of your kind; you’re a legend, so strong and brave” he purred in a sultry voice and ran his soft fingers over the centaur’s biceps.

The hoofed man didn’t say a word and all that was heard besides the normal sounds of the forest, was his ragged breathing.  
Snape sauntered around and let his hands glide over the furry back, moving his fingers deftly in a tickling motion.  
The centaur was frozen in place, eyes closed and his fingers clutched around the wood of his bow.

“So strong and elegant” Snape whispered in his silkiest voice as he stopped at the hind legs of the centaur.

He took a deep breath and steadied himself before he squeezed the creature right next to the base of the tail while his other hand pulled out 4 or 5 hair as fast as possible.  
Bile was rising in his throat at the thought that he had just fondled a half-breed but he knew that he now had to make a quick escape.  
Without further ado he cast a concealment charm on himself, a confusion charm on the centaur and disappeared in the shadows.

Holding onto the hair for dear life he rushed through the forest, not caring about the twigs and branches that entangled with his robes and scratched the skin of his face.   
He needed to get out of here as long as the centaur still tried to decide if he had been real or an illusion.

He didn’t know how long he had been in the forest when he had finally reached the edge and could see Hagrid’s hut.

Running surely wasn’t something a veela could do well either, he acknowledged, because his thighs were hurting painfully and the muscles there were shaking badly.  
Resting against a tree trunk he caught his breath and looked out for any sign of the gamekeeper.   
After Filch and Draco he definitely didn’t want to meet the half-giant in this veela body.   
The siren blood in him that gave him his enchanting and most powerful voice as a male was not helping keeping any males at bay in combination with the veela potion.  
He stepped out of the forest and looked at the sky. This whole mission had taken longer than expected. According to the way the sun stood, it had to be late afternoon already but not yet dinner time.

“Blast it!” he roared, or tried to but it just wouldn’t have the desired effect. One couldn’t roar with a mezzo instead of a baritone.

Quickly he crossed the distance between the edge of the forest and Hagrid’s hut, his hood drawn all the way in his face.  
Hiding behind the shed where the gamekeeper kept his smaller creatures, he listened for any sound that would indicate if the half-giant was near.  
With a deep sigh he slipped out of the shadows and ran as fast as his slender legs would carry him past the greenhouses and to the entrance door of the school.  
Once again he had to catch his breath and cursed the wretched body that was good for nothing besides looking attractive.

He carefully pushed the huge oak door open and peeked inside. As soon as he was sure that nobody was in the entrance hall, he tiptoed through the door and made a dash for the steps that led down to the dungeons.  
Unfortunately his concealment charms didn’t last very long, but he couldn’t afford to come across one of his Slytherins; not all of them were so easy to distract as Malfoy. He knew about a few 7th years who wouldn’t bother with niceties and just take what they desire should they get to see him alone in a dark dungeon corridor.  
With a flick of his wand he once again cast a charm that let him blend in with his surroundings.  
He let out a sigh of relief when the door to his private chambers closed behind him.

 

**On to the next chapter...**


	4. Chapter Four

DISCLAIMER: All characters and settings are the property of JK Rowling and the various publishing and media companies that have purchased rights for the name Harry Potter and all that entails. No infringement on these rights is intended.

WARNINGS: AU, Humor/Parody, Gender Change, Adult Language

A/N: The story is complete. It's the product of a challenge of one of my friends. Just a silly thing twisting the usual potion accident.  
Please read and review.  
Thanks to Tanya for the inspiration and support.

 

**Chapter Four**

 

First he checked on the potions and then started to run every test he knew on the centaur hairs to ensure that this time he would not experience another unwelcome surprise.

This time the hair was acceptable and he added it to the concoction that should return the deputy headmistress to her normal form.  
He didn’t even bother to take off his heavy deatheater cloak when he stirred the brew 17 times in a figure-eight pattern before he took the cauldron from the fire.

A string of profanities came from his lips with as much vigour as he could manage when the hot handles of the cauldron burned into his delicate flesh and he dropped the brew.  
The almost boiling potion slopped over the edge of the cauldron and burned his feet along with a good part of his calves when the heavy cauldron landed on the flagstones with a loud bang.

“Dammit! I can’t take this any longer. No matter what – I’m casting a timespeeding charm on this stuff. There’s no way I’m going to be trapped in this body until tomorrow morning”

Although he would never allow one of his students to do that, there were ways of speeding up a brewing process. However if the potion wasn’t brewed correctly in every other aspect, a timespeeding charm could ruin the whole concoction.  
Yet, he was sure that his potion was perfect already so there was a good chance that it would work after all.

Carefully he picked up the cauldron with Minerva’s potion and heaved it back to the work bench.  
With a sigh of relief he spotted that there was still enough potion left inside for one dose.

With a long ladle he poured the concoction that smelled like rancid castor oil in a goblet and set it next to the cauldron.  
He would so relish the look on her face when she swallowed the nasty brew; that would be his payback for having to endure all the hardships as a female.

He wanted to take care of his own potion before he went to see the headmaster.   
The brew that would transform the Transfiguration Mistress had to be consumed within 150 minutes after brewing to be still effective so he couldn’t take it to her after his re-transformation.

Quickly he transferred some of the green, muddy looking liquid that he would have to drink into another cauldron and cast the charm. This way he could test the speeded potion and if it failed he would still have enough left to have a regular try in the morning. 

However, it would still need three more hours until it was finished.

With a flick of his wand he cleaned up the mess on the floor and then decided to put on fresh clothes.   
His trip to the forest had left traces. The fabric of his transfigured dress was torn in several places and the muddy ground had drenched the hem; not even the heavy cloak had prevented this.

He would draw even more attention in this attire and that was the last thing he wanted.

Without further ado he stepped into his bedroom, cast the cloak and the torn dress on the floor and with a resigned sigh transfigured another one of his teaching outfits. This time the dress had a button-down front and was forest green.

He slipped his arms through the sleeves of the ex-frock coat, leaving it open for the time being and strode towards his living chamber to fetch the goblet when he felt a cold draught from the door.

His eyes became wide with a mixture of shock, surprise and indignation when he felt his nipples harden as the cold air hit his bare flesh and he clutched his arms over his chest.

The sensation wasn’t unknown to him but the reaction on a female body was ten times stronger than on the one he was used to.  
Realizing that he could never close all the buttons before his ‘guest’ would find him, he cast a mending charm on the front of his robe to seal the gap before he went to investigate who had managed to break through his wards.

Then he realized that he had forgotten to raise them again after he’d returned from the forest and could barely stifle the urge to bang his head against the wall in frustration.

“I must have developed a female brain too” he groaned when the door to his lab opened and he saw his unexpected visitor.

*****

**Sorry, this chapter's a bit short but on we go...**


	5. Chapter Five

DISCLAIMER: All characters and settings are the property of JK Rowling and the various publishing and media companies that have purchased rights for the name Harry Potter and all that entails. No infringement on these rights is intended.

WARNINGS: AU, Humor/Parody, Gender Change, Adult Language

A/N: The story is complete. It's the product of a challenge of one of my friends. Just a silly thing twisting the usual potion accident.  
Please read and review.  
Thanks to Tanya for the inspiration and support.

 

**Chapter Five**

 

_Hell and buggering damnation!!_ Snape swore inside.

Leaning against the doorframe, exuding aristocratic elegance and superiority, was Lucius Malfoy.   
Impeccably dressed as usual in a set of black robes, his hair falling in slight waves over his shoulders, the only thing out of place was his gobsmacked expression.

However it didn’t last long and Severus only had a few moments to gather his composure and slip back into his act of mysterious seductress.

This was just the situation he’d tried to avoid at all costs. It was one thing to mess with the mind of a hormone-driven student or a stupid squib; even duping a centaur was easy if you had fast means to escape.

This however could end very, very badly if he didn’t play it right.

Lucius Malfoy was considered to be one of the worst playboys the wizarding world had ever brought forth, even though he was married to Narcissa, a beauty extraordinaire.

Severus couldn’t even count the lovers that he knew of and there were bound to be many, many more.  
Lucius took what he wanted without question and nobody dared to refuse him.

Since the blonde aristocrat stood between him and the chamber exit, a quick escape was out of the question. Severus would have to play ‘hostess’ and come up with an excuse for his presence fast. Malfoy knew about everything worth knowing about the Potions Master of Hogwarts besides the small but important fact that he worked for the Side of Light.

“Who are you, my dear? I didn’t expect to find Severus in company” 

Lucius’ drawled question forced Severus back from his musings and he lowered his head to hide the fact that he was rolling his eyes. Leave it Malfoy to barge in unannounced and uninvited yet behaving as if he owned the place.

“I’m Madame Valentine D’Arbonville, Potions Mistress of Beauxbatons Academy. One of our students recently had the misfortune of being bitten by a werewolf and Professor Snape has graciously offered to teach me how to brew the Wolfsbane Potion successfully”

Snape gave Lucius a haughty glare, satisfied with the way his voice had sounded arrogant and mysterious all the same.  
In his opinion, this excuse was the best he could have come up with on such short notice.

Malfoy knew that Severus would never entertain female ‘friends’ in his quarters while students could be disturbing him any moment.   
Besides, Lucius didn’t care much about the French and didn’t hold any connections to Beauxbatons. Yet, he was sure that his ‘companion’ must have heard about the French champion in the Triwizard Tournament being a Veela, so it wasn’t that much of a stretch to assume the school would hire a Veela teacher as well.

Severus carefully kept his eyes on the intruder when he walked past him into his living area, noting how Malfoy’s eyes were glued to his gently swaying hips.

Of course the body he currently inhabited was just what usually made Lucius Malfoy drool – and worse.  
He’d have to maintain a proper distance or his old companion might try to ‘seize the day’ so to speak.

“Where is our esteemed Potions Master anyway” Lucius sneered and followed her quickly, the tapping of his cane echoing strangely from the stone walls.

“Oh, I’m sorry, but he had to deliver potions to the hospital wing. There’s no knowing when he will return.”

Severus didn’t like the look in Lucius’ eyes when the blonde heard that they were alone in the quarters and Snape wasn’t expected back any time soon.

Knowing that he had to show the man that he wasn’t some witless girl, charmed by his good looks and worldly demeanour, he stood by the cabinet and seized a bottle of sherry that he’d been given as a present by one of his ingredient suppliers.   
He’d have preferred firewhisky but this wasn’t an appropriate drink for women, unfortunately.

“Would you care for a drink as well, Mr…?” he questioned as he filled a glass with the liquor. 

That certainly made Lucius jump into action again after he’d gone rather moony on the Veela-cum-Potions Master.

“Oh I’m awfully sorry. Please forgive my bad manners but your exquisite beauty has rendered me speechless. I’m Lord Lucius Malfoy, an old friend of Severus, and I’d love a drink”

Snape seized the opportunity to turn his back on the wizard to avoid puking all over the floor. The cheap flattery and open lust displayed in his eyes had been silly and quite amusing on the young Malfoy – in hindsight; on the old Malfoy however, it disgusted him to no end.

It was a fact that Lucius regarded women as playthings, used and discarded like objects, yet the blonde seem to miss the fact that most women also had a brain that could easily look through his machinations.

Yet, he had to admit that the company Malfoy favoured usually didn’t display much intelligence and so he couldn’t fault the man for using methods that had worked on the right clientele after all.

When Severus handed the man his drink, he once again forgot to take his new body into account. Realizing too late that his chest was quite a bit heavier now than usual, he leaned forward too far and lost his balance.

He noticed his mistake when Lucius’ hand shot up to steady him. For just one moment Severus was actually grateful for the hand supporting his shoulder because he couldn’t picture anything as horrific in his current situation as falling face forward into Malfoy’s lap.

However, he rectified this assessment immediately when Lucius hand begun to _travel_.

Severus could only stare in shock when the appendage slipped south and started caressing his potion-altered breast

What would have been a feral snarl in his Severus-voice escaped his throat and he barely managed not to hex the slimy git in front of him to hell. However, he couldn’t risk irritating the man too much because in his current situation he would lose a physical confrontation hands down.

This body really wasn’t worth crap!

With as much dignity as he could muster, he righted his position and withdrew his body from Malfoy’s fingers.

“As much as it flatters me to be an – “ he winced slightly, “– an object of desire for such a prominent person, I have to excuse myself. My headmistress awaits my return”

He knew that if he wasn’t quick about it and used Malfoy’s shock in view of this rather direct refusal, the blonde wizard would rape him; and if that happened, he was as good as dead because Lucius never let a witness live.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t retrieve his Death Eater cloak since that would delay his departure and time was of the essence. He would have to brave the school looking the way he was; in a badly transfigured dress and no shoes.  
With long, quick strides that would have fit Severus Snape, which however looked extremely unfeminine and wrong on ‘Valentine’, he crossed the distance between his seating area and the door to the corridor.

“You just wait one damn minute” he heard Malfoy shouting angrily and the leather armchair scraping over the floor when he wrenched the door open and positively leapt outside.

He needed to get out of the dungeons as fast as possible and into more populated parts of the school.  
Malfoy wouldn’t hesitate to chase him down here where only Slytherins could happen upon them.  
He’d just passed the door to his Potions classroom when a loud bang echoed in the empty hallway.  
Realizing that Voldemort’s right hand man really had decided to follow him and possibly wanted to drag him back by force, Severus started to run down the corridor with break-neck speed.

Only thanks to the fact that Malfoy had taken so long to make up his mind, he made it up the stairs and into the entrance hall in time.

The sound of Malfoy’s thundering footsteps right behind him ringing in his ears, he looked around frantically, for anyone – anything to save him. Never once before had he felt so terribly helpless.

He wanted out of this wretched body NOW! 

Severus Snape, proud Potions Master of Hogwarts – that’s who he was; not a stupid girl, who was shaking like a leaf because her body wasn’t used to this rather taxing exercise.  
He didn’t want help, yet he was aware that he needed it.  
Right this moment, help just stepped out of the Great Hall in the form of Harry Potter.

_Merlin have mercy on my poor, wretched soul! Please noooooooo_ , Snape wailed inwardly. 

This day was, by far, the worst of his entire life and this said something.

However, he had to admit that Harry Potter, who was now, together with his friend Weasley, staring openly at him, was the perfect choice.  
The idiotic Gryffindor would protect anyone with his bloody life when faced with Lucius Malfoy, let alone a stunningly beautiful woman in distress. 

Hell, he could imagine what a picture he made now; face flushed from the run, breasts heaving, hair in disarray. He probably looked like sex personified.

“Now, you stay right where you are” Lucius Malfoy suddenly hissed malevolently behind him.

This jumped Severus back into action. With a shriek, he dashed forward towards Potter.

“Please, you’ve got to help me” he whimpered and hated himself for it. Severus Snape didn’t whimper. Yet with that bloody voice it sounded just like it.

_I’m never going to live this down. Going to Potter for help. Why couldn’t I just die when that blasted cauldron exploded? First Malfoy, now Weasley is practically devouring me with his eyes._

Harry Potter, ever the saviour, sent Malfoy a withering glare and gave Severus a gentle push, putting his own body between him and the aggressor.

“Don’t be afraid. He’ll do you no harm”

One part of Severus was grateful for the gesture while another just wanted to puke his guts out at all this sickening Gryffindor bravado. The rest simply wanted to scream at the absurdity of it all.  
Even though Potter, now in his sixth year, had grown out of his street urchin look and held a commanding height, he still couldn’t compete with Malfoy’s cunning use of magic.

Still, nobody openly opposed Harry Potter; not at Hogwarts of all places because now more than ever people considered him the one to rid them of Voldemort. Any witch or wizard attacking Potter would have to face an investigation by the ministry and someone with so many skeletons in the closet like Malfoy would think twice to risk a confrontation.

“Did you know that I have killed fifty mountain trolls single-handedly?”

Severus glared irritated at Weasley, who’d decided to annoy him with his stupid boasting. Even if this was the usual behaviour of males around veela, it was getting on his nerves.  
He bit his tongue and decided against one of his usual acerbic responses, in favour of listening to the altercation between Malfoy and Potter now playing out in front of them.

“Keep out of this, Potter” Malfoy snarled. “This has nothing to do with you. My friend and I just had a little disagreement that’s all.”  
Potter raised his eyebrows in disbelief and snorted.  
“I don’t know what you’re doing here, Malfoy but I can tell you right away that you’re not getting anywhere near this woman. She’s obviously afraid of you. Now I suggest you get done what you came here for and then buzz. Make like a library and book!”

A small group of people had gathered in a wide circle around them and everyone, Malfoy and Weasley included, stared at the Gryffindor in various degrees of shock. Nobody had ever dared to talk to Lucius Malfoy in that fashion.  
His position in the wizarding world, namely the fact that he had his hands in every business, gave him a lot of leeway and power. Nobody wanted to cross him if they valued their life at all.  
Still, Severus had to give the boy credit for playing the situation like a pro. Malfoy couldn’t stick around longer risking to be made look like an even greater fool. To save his dignity and status, the man had to retreat.

“I will see you again and then…” Malfoy hissed, pointing his cane at Severus threateningly. The Potions Master just snorted since that was a mute point. In a few hours, Valentine would no longer exist.  
With eyes flashing dangerously, Malfoy stared at Potter hard for a moment before he strode out of the hall, robes flapping.

“Bloody hell, Harry. What you said was bloody brilliant. You told him right off, mate” Weasley called out and Potter shrugged shyly.

“Just told him what he needed to hear”

Then he turned towards Severus. “Are you alright? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

Now that his tension was ebbing away, Snape noted the hilarity of the situation. He wondered what Potter would say if he KNEW who he had defended so vehemently and about whose well-being he inquired.  
Still, everything wasn’t sorted out yet and he decided to exploit the Gryffindor’s nobility for a little longer.

“No, he mainly scared me. I guess he thought just because I’m not butt-ugly, he could take advantage of me. Thank you for your help”

Potter’s expression clearly showed what he thought of that.

“Excuse me, but I didn’t have the chance to introduce myself properly. My name is Alexandra“  
Severus decided on a different tactic with the Gryffindors and used the female version of his middle name rather than the French alias he’d come up with for Malfoy.

“I’m Professor Snape’s niece and here on family business. Malfoy encountered me in my uncle’s study where I was waiting for his return”

Once again, Potter’s expression gave him away. He surely found it unbelievable that such a lovely creature could be related to the greasy Potions Master in any way.  
On the other side of him, Weasley once again started babbling something idiotic, which Snape was ignoring for now.

“I’m Harry Potter. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alexandra” the boy introduced himself unnecessarily.

_Oh if you’d just know!!_

“Dear Mr. Potter, would you be so kind and guide me back to my uncle’s office? I’m afraid, I left in such a hurry that I couldn’t memorize the way. You see, I went to Durmstrang…” Snape let his voice trail off and looked at the Gryffindor through lowered lashes. With him he’d have to act ‘the virgin’ to make him his proverbial knight in shining armour.

“Of course; I’d be glad to and please call me Harry” Potter said sincerely. Snape had to admit that if he were really a woman just gotten out of rape, he’d be very grateful for the boy’s quiet demeanour. Despite what he’d always believed, the boy wasn’t looking out for glory and recognition.

When Potter led the way down the staircase with Weasley bringing up the rear, Severus, for the first time, noted that his feet were about to freeze off.   
The stone floor was terribly cold and just as always, veela feet were not made for harsh temperatures.

While Weasley kept prattling on about his ‘achievements’ as they walked down the dungeons, Potter didn’t say a word; only glanced at him now and then to make sure he was ok.   
Their little group caused several Slytherins to stop in their tracks and stare but none of them dared to confront Potter.

Once they reached the door to his office, Severus only wanted to warm up with a hot bath and a huge shot of whisky but he knew it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

Thankfully, it didn’t take long to get rid of the boys and this time when he closed the doors behind him, he took the wand out of his hair and cast the strongest wards he knew along with a silencing charm for good measure.

_Fuck Minerva_ , he thought and made his way to his bedroom for the third time since the Poodle Potion disaster.

Before he’d do anything else today, he needed a bath, a whisky and something to eat. It was past dinner time and he hadn’t eaten a single bite all day.

The Transfiguration Mistress would have to yap for a bit longer.

*****


	6. Chapter Six

DISCLAIMER: All characters and settings are the property of JK Rowling and the various publishing and media companies that have purchased rights for the name Harry Potter and all that entails. No infringement on these rights is intended.

WARNINGS: AU, Humor/Parody, Gender Change, Adult Language

A/N: The story is complete. It's the product of a challenge of one of my friends. Just a silly thing twisting the usual potion accident.  
Please read and review.  
Thanks to Tanya for the inspiration and support.

 

**Chapter Six**

 

He pointed his wand at the fireplace and started a roaring fire that warmed up the room instantly. He was freezing terribly and he wasn’t inclined to suffer any longer unnecessarily.  
Quickly he shed his clothes and placed them on the bed for later.

The bathroom thankfully staid warm constantly and the floor was heated as well; a simple but very nice convenience when you lived in castle with stone floors.  
Another quick flick with his wand made the water running into the tub.

Once the water had the appropriate depth, he poured some of the bath salts that he’d created himself in and instantly the air was filled with the smell of sandalwood and ylang-ylang.  
He was aware that most people didn’t even believe that he owned a toothbrush let alone something as fancy as bathing salts but he didn’t give a rat’s ass about that now.

His body was terribly sore from all the exercise he’d had over the day and he still felt frozen to the core.  
After twisting his long hair up on his head and fixing it with his wand again, he sighed with pleasure when he sunk into the warm water.  
He stretched his slender body as long as he could, which was a lot easier now since as a female he wasn’t nearly as tall.  
His eyes closed and his hands started rubbing the soreness out of his thighs when suddenly the fire in his bedroom flared up and he heard Dumbledore calling out to him.

“Severus, are you here?”

_I’m going to kill him. I’ll strangle him with his beard. I’ll gauge his twinkling eyes out. Blasted bearded bastard_

When he didn’t answer right away, the voice became louder.

“I’ve heard what happened with Lucius Malfoy. Are you alright?”

Knowing a losing battle when he saw one and being familiar with Dumbledore long enough to know that the old codger wouldn’t stop yelling until he had an answer, Snape leaned forward in the bathtub.

“I’m in the tub and before you ask, Minerva’s potion is finished and I’ll bring it up to your office as soon as I am clean, warm, dressed and fed” he shouted.  
Then as an afterthought he added “And if Minerva bites me when I arrive, I’ll pour the potion down the drain and send her hairy ass straight back to Lucius with a card attached saying ‘With love from Valentine’. May be best you put a muzzle on her”

Laughing at the expression of Albus, which he could vividly visualize without having to see it, he winced again when he heard the bell-like sound of his soprano voice instead of the quiet rumble that normally, if rarely, came out of his chest.

“I understand, my b-… Severus. We will see you later”

The fire flared again and Severus relaxed back in the tub.

He took his sweet time and when he felt thoroughly warmed and calmed down, washed up and got out of the tub.

Once he was dry and dressed he ventured back into his sitting room. The wonderful smell of a warm meal greeted him and he sighed. Dumbledore obviously had told the house elves to bring him something to eat.

Well, it wouldn’t do for Hogwarts’ Transfiguration Mistress to remain a poodle longer than absolutely necessary.

With a full stomach, he felt like a human being again, even if not exactly like the human being he normally was, and since nobody had bothered him since he’d escaped Lucius Malfoy, he decided it was time to deliver the potion to the headmaster.

He fetched his spare cloak from the bedroom, pulled the hood deep into his face and left his quarters.

For once, he didn’t encounter anyone on his way to Dumbledore’s office and he was grateful for it. In two more hours, the potion under timespeeding charm would be ready and hopefully then he’d finally be a man outside as well as inside.

As soon as he entered, Minerva, the poodle, shot out from under Albus’ desk and began yapping at him like crazy.

“If you get under my feet and I drop the potion, don’t go and blame me” he snapped and finally, he found something this voice could express even better than his own. Oh yes, when he snapped, he sounded down right bitchy.

However, his warning had been heard and the poodle hopped onto the chair next to Albus’ desk.

“I assume that your brewing has been successful?” the Headmaster inquired.

“Oh don’t ask me such stupid questions tonight, Albus. I’m not in the mood” he drawled and winced immediately.

_I even start to sound like a bloody woman…_

Albus seemed to have noticed it too, because he laughed loudly.  
Then he handed him a small dish, which must have held tea before and Severus poured some of the potion inside.

“If you bite me when I put the plate down, I swear to Merlin, I’ll kick your butt so hard, you’ll be spit-shining my shoes, Minerva” Snape bit out when he lowered his hand slowly towards Albus’ desk.

The Transfiguration poodle glared at him with such venom that she made it work even with her current dog face.

However, she sat back slightly until Severus had set down the dish.  
Once he’d retreated from the table, Minerva leaned forward and with as much dignity as she could muster, she lapped up the horrible tasting brew.

With much satisfaction, the Potions Master noted the smell of rancid caster oil penetrating the air and the disgusted expression on Albus’ face.

Then suddenly a foggy substance started to swirl around the dog, faster and faster until it made Severus’ head spin.  
Knowing that the potion was successful, he sat down into the empty chair next to the desk and his lips twisted into a slight but very smug smile.

Just when the swirling had sped up into tornado dimensions, with a pop, the substance disappeared completely and the Transfiguration Mistress stood beside the desk once again in human form.

After a short look around the room, her eyes fastened instantly on Severus with a look that made even the harsh Potions Master gulp.

“You – YOU! You insolent little upstart! You can be just glad that Albus has taken my wand earlier or I’d be hexing you now until you couldn’t walk straight anymore. Spit-shining your shoes? You’re completely out of your mind when you believe that I’m just taking this…”

At that point, Severus simply got up and gave a short bow in Albus’ direction.  
“Now that our Head of Gryffindor is successfully restored, I believe I’ll take leave. There’s still the matter of my own re-transformation that I have to work on so if you’ll excuse me please.”

“I’m not done with you yet, you slimy Slytherin git” Minerva started another rant, but Snape just tossed his long hair back and gave her a smug smirk.

“Oh, I think you are”

With that, he pulled his hood back up and left Albus’ study.

The fact that he wouldn’t have to leave his quarters looking as a veela woman again almost made him want to skip down the hallways, however, he would never stoop to something as silly and undignified.

No one would stop him now. He’d just shack up in his quarters and relax with some more whisky until his potion was finished and then he’d spend the rest of the evening relishing his re-grown bits and bobbles.

He’d just descended the stairs to the dungeons when his desire was crushed.

“Would you look at this pretty piece of skirt? How lovely she looks in her fancy little dress. Though I know how she’d look even better; naked on my bed, spreading her creamy thighs for my pleasure”

Severus had stopped short when he heard the adolescent voice behind him. Once again thankful for his voluminous robes, he grabbed his wand tightly in his pocket and waited.

“Yes, I’m sure she could take on both of us, don’t you think, Stephen?”

_Oh yes, Stephen O’Leary and Thomas Carmichael…_

The two were notorious in Slytherin. Many girls had already reported them to their Head of House because of sexual harassment. Unfortunately, Severus had not been able to do something against them since their fathers were in league with Voldemort; however, this was the perfect opportunity to give the boys something to think about. Not every woman could be as easily cowed as the fourth years they usually preyed on.

“No matter how hard you tried to hide under that cloak, we’ve seen you and we know what you are” O’Leary drawled oily as he pushed down the hood of Severus’ Death Eater cloak.

The Slytherin hadn’t even withdrawn his hand fully when Severus had his wand on the boy’s throat.

“If you think you can take advantage of me, then you’re thoroughly mistaken. Take your hand off me now and I might reconsider hexing you” Severus hissed viciously.   
Even in this body, he knew more hexes than both of them combined would know in ten years.

However, the two seventh years were a bit too confident for their own good.

“Did you hear this, Tom? She thinks that she’s a match for us” O’Leary chuckled slightly, caressing Severus’ cheek.

“I don’t think – I know!” Severus spit out and then chanted a very complicated incantation.

Carmichael’s was staggering slightly when the whole body of his friend started pulsing rhythmically like the light signal on a muggle police car.  
Then with a nasty, wet, squelching noise, red, angry boils started popping up all over O’Leary’s skin, oozing disgusting smelling pus.

“You nasty bitch! What have you done to me?” the boy screeched hysterically, trying to wipe off the secretion now running into his eyes.

“That should teach you not to force yourself on girls who aren’t the slightest bit interested in you morons.” Severus snapped in O’Leary’s direction.

Then he put his wand back and gave Carmichael his very best death glare.

“If you don’t want to end up with itching, burning boils like your friend, I’d suggest you take him to Madam Pomfrey. And you can bet your stinking little asses that the next time you’ll even think about messing with a girl, you’ll wish it’s only boils you’ll be getting. Now get out of my sight!”

Before Snape had even finished, Carmichael had grabbed his friend’s arm and dragged him back towards the stairs.

Satisfied with his work, Severus pulled his hood up again and rushed to the door of his quarters. Never before had he realized that the male species was such a horny lot. Poor women.

If he’d ever had any inclinations of sampling the pleasures you could get from a homosexual relationship, today’s experiences had surely put him off this type of things for good.

With a sigh, he closed the door behind him, undid the cloak and threw it over the back of his favorite armchair after putting up the necessary wards.

It was time to check on his potions. Quickly, he made his way over to his personal lab and was glad to find that Murphy’s Law had not struck in here. Everything was still just as he’d left it and it appeared that the timespeeding version was coming along perfectly.

Again, Severus pinned his hair with his wand. He wanted to examine the cauldrons a bit closer and the last thing he needed was a veela hair contaminating the potion. He’d guard the cauldron with his own life if he had to. Nothing would jeopardize the return of his manhood – nothing!

Carefully, he dipped a ladle into the substance, held it up to his nose to sniff at it and then let it drip back into the cauldron.  
It had the deep Slytherin color it should have along with the smell of sugar cookies.  
Well, at least he wouldn’t have to endure the taste of rancid castor oil.

*****

“Why did you let him leave like that, Albus? Didn’t you hear what he said to me? Spit-shining his shoes… the nerves!”

Minerva McGonagall had been pacing the room, ranting and raving about Lucius Malfoy and most of all about the gall of one Severus Snape.

“My dear Minerva, would you please sit down because you’re making me nervous.” Albus said beseechingly, popping another lemon drop in his mouth. “Would you care for some more tea?”

The Transfiguration Mistress gave him a heated glare.

“No, I don’t care for tea, Albus. I do, however, care to know why you condoned his behavior towards me.”

“You’ve got to cut the boy some slack, my dear. I dragged him out of bed in the dead of night, then because of Hagrid, your potion was ruined, trapping him in a female body – a female VEELA body at that. I don’t even want to know how many advances he had to fend off today” the Headmaster said calmly.

Minerva scratched her ear absentmindedly. Well, she had to admit that Snape most likely had a day a lot worse than hers but still…

This called for some punishment, though. Maybe she had to drag out her inner Snape and take off fifty points from Draco Malfoy during her next class.  
It wasn’t as if Severus wasn’t doing the same every time Harry Potter breathed the wrong way.  
With a secretive smile on her face, she decided to let the matter drop.

 

**On to the next chapter**


	7. Chapter Seven

DISCLAIMER: All characters and settings are the property of JK Rowling and the various publishing and media companies that have purchased rights for the name Harry Potter and all that entails. No infringement on these rights is intended.

WARNINGS: AU, Humor/Parody, Gender Change, Adult Language

A/N: The story is complete. It's the product of a challenge of one of my friends. Just a silly thing twisting the usual potion accident.  
Please read and review.  
Thanks to Tanya for the inspiration and support.

 

**Chapter Seven**

 

“Oh please, please, please Merlin, let this work” Severus begged with all his might when he ladled out some of the potion into a goblet.

He wasn’t sure what would happen if the timespeeding spell had somehow altered the potion since he normally didn’t rush with the preparations of something so delicate.  
Still, there was nothing worse than being stuck in this blasted body.

With a deep breath, he straightened his back and took a long sip.

Severus blinked – and blinked again.

“Bloody buggering hell and damnation!” he raved and banged his well-manicured hand on the table top. “Just once I needed something to work. Once in my whole forsaken life I needed something to-“

Suddenly, Severus put both hands up to hold his head when the world started spinning and his knees gave away.

For one moment longer, the Potions Master managed to hold on to his consciousness and directed his fall away from the work table before the world around him went dark.  
There was no knowing what would have happened if he’d bathed in even more potion today.

When he came to, he wasn’t sure how long he’d been out.  
His head once again was feeling as if a hundred hammers were drumming on a hundred anvils.

_Maybe, if I just keep lying here, they’re going to hammer me to death…_

However, a few moments later, the hammers had diminished but he felt the cold of the stone floor seeping into his transfigured dress.

_Wait a second…_

Then he remembered why he was down there in the first place and he yanked his hand from under his body.

His hand… HIS HAND!!

He wanted to shout and whoop but refrained in favor of his head. Shifting to free his hand had increased the hammers already.

With a sigh of relief, he let his head fall back against the table leg.

If his hand was anything to go by, his potion had worked one hundred percent.

Very carefully, Severus dragged himself up in an upright position. It seemed to take him ages but he didn’t want to aggravate his head any further.

Again, he supported his head with both hands as he stumbled over to the cabinet where he kept his potions.

Leaning against the wall, he swallowed the whole content of one of his bigger vials and groaned in pleasure when the headache subsided instantly.

After dropping the empty vial into the sink, he had to make sure that the rest of his body had reacted just like his hand. He expected it, but he had to see it with his own eyes; otherwise he wouldn’t get any sleep tonight.

Almost dreading what he was going to see, he walked into his bedroom, foregoing the whisky he so longed for right now.

Never before had he been so happy to see his pale, hooked-nosed face in the mirror before.  
Yet…

He took a step closer to the mirror to have a better look.

He hadn’t noticed it right away but now that his nose almost pressed against the cool glass, he clearly saw that it wasn’t exactly the same face that had stared back at him this morning.

His eyes narrowed when he touched his fingers lightly over his cheeks. He did look like himself, just more refined.

There were less lines and his nose somehow seemed to fit better into his face. Even though he was still pale, his skin color wasn’t sallow anymore; more an aristocratic paleness like the Malfoys sported it.

All in all, he looked younger and healthier.

When he looked down at himself, he remembered that he was still wearing the damned dress and gripping the fabric tightly, he tore it open all the way down.

His eyes went wide when he noticed the well-defined six-pack. It seemed that his body had had an overall makeover.

Just as easily he got rid of the transfigured underwear and with a happy sigh slipped on a pair of his boxers.  
Since it was rather late already, he opted for pajamas. Somehow they seemed to be a bit tight around the shoulders but he dismissed that for now.

He only wanted to sleep – now!

After quickly cleaning up his lab, he got comfortable in his bed and pulled the covers over his shoulders.

“What a hell of a day just because of one stupid Poodle Potion” he drawled before sleep claimed him.

**Proceed to the epilogue**


	8. Epilogue

DISCLAIMER: All characters and settings are the property of JK Rowling and the various publishing and media companies that have purchased rights for the name Harry Potter and all that entails. No infringement on these rights is intended.

WARNINGS: AU, Humor/Parody, Gender Change, Adult Language

A/N: The story is complete. It's the product of a challenge of one of my friends. Just a silly thing twisting the usual potion accident.  
Please read and review.  
Thanks to Tanya for the inspiration and support.  
The images in this story were created by yours truly.

And this is it....the epilogue and final installment.  
I hope you enjoyed the ride and leave your review.

*Sevsdarkangel*

 

**Epilogue**

 

When Severus woke the next morning, it took him a moment to remember what had happened the day before.

Still it was a shock when he stepped into the shower and looked down at his body.

Damn, he looked fit.

Where he had been lean, almost gaunt, there were now hard muscles in just the right amount to not look really bulky.  
Swiftly, he washed up and poured shampoo in his hands. With relish, he scrubbed his scalp and caught himself just in time before he started singing in the shower.

When had he ever done that before? The real question was when had he ever felt energized and relaxed enough to do it?

And he had to admit, he felt incredibly energized. Even if it was a bad comparison, he almost felt like the “Sleeping Beauty’, woken up after a hundred years of wonderful sleep.  
Not even when he was younger had he experienced anything like this.

He stepped out of the shower, dried off quickly and slipped into his dressing gown.  
For the first time ever, he regretted getting rid of the talking mirror, which used to hang in his bathroom. This morning it might have actually complemented him.

Well, he’d have to do it himself then. Not that he had Lockhart tendencies, but he had to confess that compared to yesterday – or about any day – he looked great.

After he had dried his hair with a quick spell, he noted that it was much smoother and not greasy at all. Before his unbelievable transformation, there’d been so much oil in it that he could never get rid of it no matter how often he washed it.  
Now however, it fell in shiny, black waves down to the top of his collar.

While he brushed his teeth – what a surprise, they were white and straight as well – he wondered what exactly had triggered this rather detailed transformation.  
The only reason he had been able to come up with had been the time-sped reversal potion. 

 

Well, fact was that he couldn’t recreate the effect since he couldn’t be exactly sure if this had been the sole cause or if other factors had been essential to the outcome as well.

This was good to know since he was sure that a lot of people – and Voldemort – would be eager to improve their appearance like this.  
Actually, he couldn’t wait to see Minerva’s face at breakfast.

When he stood in front of his closet, he decided to give Hogwarts some fodder for the rumor mill. Foregoing his usual frock coat, he dressed only in black trousers, a white button down shirt and his dragonhide boots.

Apparently, his shoulders had become broader as well since the shirt was just a bit snuck. While he gave his hair a final brush, he gazed at himself in the mirror and decided that he really did look damn good.

He even went so far to wink at himself and slapped his forehead immediately afterwards. What had come over him to do something as lockhart-ish as winking at his mirror image, he had no clue.

He’d have to keep himself in check.

On his way out the door, he slipped his teaching robes on but left them open, showing his white shirt. This was the first time since he’d started teaching that he wasn’t ‘sealed’ into his black frock-and-robes ensemble that showed nothing more than face and hands.

With his usual swift pace and billowing robes, he strode down the hallway and up the stairs into the entrance hall. There he stood for a moment and remembered the incident of the previous evening.  
While thinking of how he’d called out to Potter for help, he shuddered slightly.

Just then, when he was about to step into the Great Hall for breakfast, he heard someone to his left gasp in surprise.

“Either I’m hallucinating or I need glasses” Ron Weasley stated with a weak voice. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing, Hermione?”

Severus turned towards them and spotted the Gryffindor Trio standing at the bottom of the Marble Staircase staring at them open-mouthed.

“Merlin, have mercy! Either Snape has found the Fountain of Youth over night or he has developed the most amazing potion ever known to wizardkind.” Potter choked out and Severus noted that the boy was eying him now in the same way Weasley had ‘devoured’ Alexandra the day before.

While the Potions Master was watching them, they’d stepped closer and Potter was still ‘appreciating’ him a bit too much, he thought.

“Excuse me, Professor. I just wanted to know if your niece was alright after her run-in with Malfoy yesterday.”

Snape looked down his still prominent nose and smirked.

“Yes, she was perfectly fine thanks to your heroic interference”

_Let the boy figure out himself if that was a serious show of gratitude or not…_

“Oh, I just wanted to know if she was alright” Potter replied shyly, whilst Weasley tried to look at the Potions Master from all angles still unable to close his mouth.

This had one advantage since it kept Granger from asking the questions she was full to burst with. Apparently, it was more important to her to stop her friend from losing Gryffindor a hundred points than to satisfy her curiosity – for now.

Potter however didn’t seem to have trouble speaking.

“Professor… you look so different today. So much … better”

Snape almost laughed at the ‘eloquence’ but thought better of it.

This was THE chance to get one over on Potter in a way that wouldn’t result in a reprimand from Dumbledore or a row with McGonagall.  
When Granger was busy dragging Weasley into the Great Hall, Severus leaned forward until his mouth was right beside Potter’s ear.

“You’ve met Alexandra” he stated. “Didn’t you think she was damn beautiful?”

Harry Potter was frozen to the spot; all he could do was nod ever so slightly.

“You see, she loves me so much that she sacrificed her youth and beauty for me”

His mouth was almost brushing the boy’s ear and he could feel him shiver, but as soon as he’d spoken the words, he turned around and strode off; leaving a thunderstruck boy-who-lived in the entrance hall.

_Maybe the dunderhead will think I ate her…_

Severus let out a roaring laughter when he heard the tell-tale thud behind him.

The Saviour of the wizarding world had fainted dead away.

The End


End file.
